I Don’t Wanna Choose

(Every poem I’ve written is a real event or circumstance written as a lament, or prayer that in the end drew me closer to Jesus.)

I don’t wanna choose

I feel so very tired

Everything feels numb

The pain in my head

Left right a soft strum

Sleep is pulling

I can’t fight the lull

Everything so fuzzy

Why fight the lull

I don’t wanna choose

My insides are burning

I don’t wanna choose

I’m back in the same place

Either I choose the way of escape

And suffer a great loss

Or I stay where I am

letting pain grip my hand.

Or I cut all ties and walk about

As if that still wasn’t

something I loved

I don’t wanna choose

Why here why now

things were getting better

wasn’t I being honest?

No. Not with myself

Lord, please help Your servant

I can’t do this alone

I can’t bare the pain

Of this repeated cyclone

I don’t wanna choose

But I wish to move forward

Into the promise You’ve given

I must push on toward

The goal, the prize of the upward calling

You have complete control

Of my past, my future

Not even the present can

Stand against Your mighty powers

I don’t wanna choose

But once again here I stand

to step into this new season

Seeking for wisdom, understanding

That comes only from Your hand

I must be bold and courageous

To accept the fate You’ve given

It’s not been easy to take

But I’ll trust the process

01.05.23